Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
