drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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