he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
