I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
