Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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