3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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