Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
