well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
