I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
