So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
