Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
