im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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