We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
