Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
