somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
