in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
