flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
