Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
