I will die if light touches me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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