Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
