was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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