I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
