went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm like, not good at living.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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