You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
