I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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