Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
