i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
