My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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