Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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