Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
