they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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