What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's like God shit irony all over that family
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
