I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
