I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
