Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
