He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
