I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
