I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
