Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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