What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
