I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
