if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
