I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
