She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
