I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
