the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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