Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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