I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This baby is an asshole
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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