I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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