He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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