dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
