I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
