There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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