im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
