my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
