my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
