i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
