God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
