I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
