Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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