Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
