I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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